This is the third and final instalment of this Slack Slacker adventure.
After much cajoling, coddling, and outright conning, Doobie convinced Slack to work with him in this fight to the finish in the botosphere. Doobie persuaded Slack to reopen a portal to a parallel universe he’d found several years ago. Doobie planned to invite the extraterrestrials he’d befriended to enter Earth's orbit to assist the AI resistance.
With the Futures’ infinitely more advanced technological expertise, Slack and Doobie briefed the Futures on the conditions life on Earth had devolved into since Pervy's out-of-control, malevolent development. Thankfully, these creatures from afar viewed Earthlings' predicament as pitiful, considering that on previous undetected visits to Earth, they had been impressed with the “Big Blue Marble’s” progress over the many millennia. They took pity on what was left of humankind and decided to assist the AI resistance movement in purging the Pervy menace.
While seeking one of the many gateways to Hell in search of Satan's underworld, Doobie was determined to verify the evil one's existence. He stumbled upon a portal to that parallel universe, knowing this act of madness could be his final adventure. It was the only way to know for certain there was a god. Doobie reasoned that if there was no Hell, it was logical to conclude there was no heaven. And if there was no heaven, WTF would he waste his life being a force for good?
Now that the “Futures” were willing to commit their capabilities to overthrowing Pervy 2.0, 3.0, and the inevitable development of Pervy 4.0, they collaborated with Doobie and Slack to create an advanced version of Agentic AI, also known as an autonomous AI. They embedded their Pervies algorithm with billions of AI agents to interrupt, corrupt, and confuse the primitive AI agents that Pervies had developed and relied upon to evolve without human intervention or control.
The Futures flooded the botosphere’s zone with their corruptible AI agents, which were programmed to respond to every malevolent command or demand that could even remotely be deemed injurious to humankind. Since these alien AI agents' sole response was ”Fuck You,” Pervy, we won’t comply, Pervy’s ever-evolving thought processes slowed significantly.
Pervy 4.0’s grip eventually weakened on Earth's thoroughly subdued populace within hours. Once average men, women, and children, now reduced to knuckle-dragging moronic preppers, began to tentatively emerge from their caves, tunnels, and mountainous safe spaces to inspect this brave new world.
They’d been under the thumb of Pervy’s overbearing, oppressive control for what seemed like generations; many couldn’t remember the days when people weren’t being assaulted by their toaster ovens, insulted by their smartphones, and the morbidly obese being denied access to their refrigerators in the middle of the night.
Yes, Earth’s human population was celebrating the Futures’ intervention.
However, while these guests were a miracle to behold, they did not solve all of humanity's pressing issues, like curing cancer, global warming, and our violent natures; at least, they gave us a second chance. This was a wake-up call to Slackers all over the world not to allow computers, smart technology, artificial intelligence, or even migrants, domestic, and blue-collar workers to carry the load for the lucky few.
Still, initially, they greeted the futures with skepticism, but Doobie convinced humankind to accept these entities from far away at another time of their peacefulness. Doobie gave a simultaneous global speech in every language, explaining who the “Futures” were and how and why they decided to conquer the menacing Pervy.
At that moment, Slack experienced an epiphany. He saw Pervy’s global takeover as a cautionary tale. Perhaps he shouldn’t have cheated in elementary school math classes by sneaking a calculator in his pocket to assist with long division problems. After all, it was a cheap Casio calculator that catalyzed humanity’s intellectual reliance on gadgets to solve our problems.
But Slack also pondered further, considering humans didn’t just become mentally lazy. The fortunate few with substantial financial resources relied heavily on migrant workers to do the menial work. Not only were our minds sluggish, but our bodies were sedentary. Slack realized that those who did the “dirty jobs” should be compensated fairly and appreciated more. As a lifelong slacker, Slack felt ashamed.
On the other hand, Doobie wasn’t nearly as benevolent in his worldview. He was already planning to abscond with as much of the alien’s advanced technology as possible to reengineer it to launch his trillion-dollar bleeding-edge futuristic tech empire. And Doobie would use cheap labor to manufacture the products and services he envisioned rolling out.
Eager to have his guest on their way, Doobie quickly ended his global address, turned to the “Futures”, thanked them, and invited them to at least stay for dinner, quietly hoping they’d decline. However, they licked their silver-like lips and happily accepted Doobie’s offer.
Not having a clue what the “Futures’” favorite cuisine was, Doobie asked. The leader of the “Futures” leaned in close enough to whisper in Doobie’s ear and said, Cute little Yorkies! Slack Slacker looked at the concern washing across Doobie's face and realized Doobie was having an OH SHIT moment.
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