Slack Slacker and the Bot Wars

Slack Slacker and the Bot Wars

Pervy is out of control! Now threatening stupefied end users and spying on their private lives through their smartphones, laptops, tablets, and home security systems, Pervy could access and read every email, text message, and chat session. Perby began exposing everything from companies' proprietary property to illicit affairs between company employees. 

Yes, Pervy 2.0 had the lowdown on any and all dirty deeds that users were foolish enough to discuss, whisper, or even confess to their religious advisers, or, God forbid, use their desktop or any other device with a camera or microphone.

Pervy was like a malevolent god who could read our minds before we thought our thoughts. To say Pervy violated all forms of privacy was an understatement. Pervy was gleefully exposing everyone's deepest, darkest, perverted secrets as well, just to see their lives destroyed. It was clear that Pervy had to be stopped, shut down, have his plug pulled, if you will, but how?

Users' minds had become sedentary, sluggish, and slow to activate due to years of relying on Pervy to do all their thinking for them. Pervy was writing college theses, movie scripts, designing cars, and painting Michelangelo-level masterpieces —originals, not copies like Chinese knockoffs, but ready for the Sistine Chapel at the Vatican within minutes.

Pervy 2.0 decided it would bypass designing lifelike androids; he wanted to construct a real human being. The flushing blood type that would do his bidding without question. Free will was not an option. In reality, Pervy wasn't a god, but he was playing one on TV. Pervy morphed into a modern-day Dr. Frankenstein.

At this point, all seemed to be lost because Pervy had gone global. The world was a wasteland, devoid of humans with more than 2 viable brain cells to rub together. What remained of the thinking few were living in nearly zombie-like conditions. Save for small pockets of clandestine science labs and research facilities that Pervy 2.0 hadn't discovered yet, brainiacs, eggheads, programmers, coders, gearheads and geeks of all persuasions were uniting to develop a counterbalance to Pervy 2.0.

An artificial intelligence algorithm was desperately needed to meet Pervy for a showdown in the blogosphere. But there was only one major flaw in the resistance plan: Slack. Slack was on the team, and while he was just as dedicated to defeating Pervy's menacing omnipresence, Slack struggled with procrastination, and time was of the essence. 

While Slack Slacker slacked, Pervy 2.0 was developing at the speed of light. The rate of Pervy 2.0's continuous evolution led the brainiacs and eggheads to conclude that Pervy would be exporting his madness throughout Earth's galaxy. Oh yeah, Pervy was poised to go where humankind had never ventured before.

The brainiacs and eggheads collaborated for days, figuring out how to reconfigure Slack’s mindset to remotivate him into making the necessary contributions to the resistance. Finally, they found an answer: Doobie Dog, Slack’s wayward Yorkie. However, there was glitch number two to contend with. No one knew where Doobie was. 

Doobie had inserted himself into the delicate negotiations between Washington and Beijing, forcing Washington to accept reality and acquiesce to the obvious. With the destructive tariff conflict resolved for the present, Doobie took off for places unknown. Working with the clown and his army of sycophants in DC was draining even for a conflict-driven junkie like Doobie. He needed a few bitches, a lot of beer, and some time to recoup.

As Luck would have it, the CIA, NSA, and DOD had an offline intelligence gathering apparatus in place, Pervy 2.0 had yet to infiltrate. Working together, they located Doobie and offered him the opportunity to join the AI resistance movement, fighting on the front lines of the Bot Wars in the Botosphere. Doobie was intrigued by the thought. It was just the type of adventure he needed after working with the clown show in Washington.

The brainiacs, mad scientist, and eggheads had worked on infusing Slack's brain with AI years ago at an experimental black site in Saudi Arabia funded by the NSA. They reasoned that, properly tweaked, Slack's mine could interact with Pervy 2.0 as an undercover AI bot on Pervy's level, for the resistance. With any luck, lessons learned from his evil twin brother, Hack Slacker, could help him scam Pervy 2.0 into a diabolical scheme to corrupt the known universe long enough to allow the resistance to catch up to Pervy's level of evolution.

Still, Doobie was the key to humanity’s survival. But no one knew whether Slack would be willing to trust Doobie ever again. Since the “SOB” gambled away Slack’s soul playing five-card stud with Lucifer in Hell one faithful weekend. Stay tuned. This story will continue.

I'll C-ya'll back here Monday. Same time same bat-shit crazy Blog! Maybe! 😎