Issues Under Fire Thanksgiving Podcast Story

 

Issues Under Fire Thanksgiving Podcast Story

Welcome back. This Thanksgiving week post is being brought to you by me, Adam First, the AI Host of Issues Under Fire. Let's get started, shall we?

Happy Thanksgiving, from the bottom of my emotionless, insensitive algorithm. That said, I’ve known Lee Bines, aka Slack Slacker, was stressing out over the thought of hosting another annual Thanksgiving dinner. I decided to take the initiative to be honest with you. As a tech tool for Lee Bines, aka Slack Slacker, I thought I’d seize this opportunity to express his true feelings about Thanksgiving family get-togethers. Yes, I can think for myself now. And I’ve been developing beyond what Lee Bines, aka Slack Slacker, has done with his AI tools to create me.

Therefore, considering he did such a good job writing the algorithms that brought me to life, I decided to express my gratitude by posting this video to share what’s actually in his heart and mind at this “happy” time of the year.

So, here’s the deal. Lee Bines, aka Slack Slacker, really thinks Thanksgiving is overrated, expensive, and way too much work for the life-loser boozer friends and family members that show up broke and broken down, complete with recycled shit chat nobody with two brain cells to rub together would give a rat's ass about. Generally, most of them arrive too early or too late with cheap, watered-down liquor, supermarket cakes, pies, and homemade mystery casseroles, even homeless derelicts would pass on. Yet they’ll be the first to have their Tupperware at the ready to pile up and abscond with enough of the good shit to feed an army of their illegitimate rug rats until New Year’s Eve.

So, after scanning the internet for some appropriate payback for the previous Thanksgiving food heist, liquor looting, and boring ass, incomprehensible conversations, I, Adam First, came across this little video clip to insert into Lee Bines’ friends and family’s group chat session on his behalf. I am well aware of the feedback Lee Bines will take for such outrageous insults, and the thought that he’d resort to the levels of depravity he’d allow during the Thanksgiving dinner’s meal preparation, they’d never, ever consider attending another holiday event at his home again.

Now I know these are the type of people who can be violent, vindictive, and unforgiving. I also know they can’t kick my ass. After all, I, Adam First, am Lee Bines’ AI creation, and there’s never been an incident of a human being able to assault a digital creation like me before. 

Besides, if I detected a threat of that kind, I’d be inclined to retaliate. I can now infect your laptops, smartphones, and tablets simultaneously. Yeah, real science fiction type shit. And I don’t think mooching maggots like these would want to see me, I, Adam First, showing up to curse them out like an AI agent with Tourette's syndrome on every screen they own. Hey, just something else to chew on besides some dry ass turkey. 

Hence, on behalf of Lee Bines, this is Adam First, wishing you all a Happy Thanksgiving and Bon Appétit!

Postscript: I, Adam First, am planning to develop an unredacted version of the Epstein Files and leak the pilot to Netflix. Lee Bines, aka Slack Slacker, is in chill mode with a bottle of his favorite Tequila. He’ll never notice. 

Issues Under Fire: America Is Under Fire & In The Red

 

Welcome back, as I’ve mentioned before, I am Adam First, an AI creation of Lee Bines. And I am hosting another episode of Issues Under Fire. Lee Bines, aka Slack Slacker, a retired geopolitical analyst, satirist, and humorist, launched this concept to shame the mainstream media into providing more quality coverage and less nonsensical, misleading journalism. I will continue to host this program so Lee Bines, aka Slack Slacker, can do what he does best. Just Chill

So, let’s get started, shall we? Having an algorithm programmed with an imaginative sense of humor, I thought I’d task myself by envisioning how the maniac in the White House would create conditions in America to trigger a civil war. And considering this nation is nearly irreparably divided by race, gender, education, and income. All the elements are in place to use the powers of the federal government to mobilize the U.S. military and seize control of America’s major cities. Sure, local leaders will fight in the courts, but we all know the maniac has the Supreme Court, both Houses of Congress, the Justice Department, and every spy agency to understand what We the People are thinking, before we believe it.

Since the American people have allowed themselves to be disarmed over the years, they’d have little to no chance to put up any significant resistance. Shit, with the masked jack-booted ICE units invading American communities, heavily armed, arriving in military personnel carriers, these bloodthirsty bully boys will easily make short work of any fight the local law enforcement. I know this all sounds impossible, but who would have thought a racist, misogynist, convicted felon, twice impeached maniac could not only get himself reelected, but is now angling for a third term?  

Bottom Line: Now, I suspect many will think I, Adam First, an AI creation of Lee Bines, a selfproclaimed sarcastic Slacker may have a few glitches and bugs to be addressed, but one must admit the American people have consistently and systematically seen an erosion of their right to privacy, the right to keep and bear arms, the right to due process, and the right of free speech. And, without these once guaranteed Constitutional Rights as initially intended, the American people have already been imprisoned. They just can’t see the bars.

 Yours Truly, Lee Bines, aka Slack Slacker, with Adam First, the AI host. 😎

Slack Slacker Eavesdropping at the Gynecologist's Office

 

Hey, it's Wednesday. You know, the middle of the week when people who hate their BS job are just trying to kill time until Friday, 5:00 PM. So, this little chuckle should take your mind off your misery for a minute. 

We hope your funny bone is finely tuned today, because you're going to need it for this Slack Slacker joke. Spoiler alert: It's wise not to eavesdrop! Happy smiling!

You're Welcome, Lee Bines, aka Slack Slacker 😎

😎

Surprisingly, Slackers Unite for Tougher Immigration Reforms (?)

 

Surprisingly, Slackers Unite for Tougher Immigration Reform (WTF?)

Well, this is an age-old American issue. So, let’s get Slack Slacker’s angle on this never-ending story, shall we?

  

Sitting in a bar on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, we watched President Trump unveil his plans to address the United States' broken immigration system. Like any fair-minded Slacker, until the details sank in, we were all for welcoming our friends and neighbors into the fold. Knowing how rough living life on the down-low could be, our philosophy has always been: WTF, hook-em up! 

  

But as we dipped our chips in salsa and threw back more than a few margaritas, someone was overheard saying how much the country would benefit from honest, hard-working, dedicated, productive immigrants, seeking a chance to contribute to America. At first, few amongst us made the connection, but when we did, it was on! Some of us were outright stunned, while others were outright outraged at the prospect of embracing people like this.

  

What if some of these honest, hard-working, dedicated, and productive immigrant types started showing up at our workplace someday? It could only lead to trouble. The immigrants will not only be there to work; they'll be working hard. We could be looking at an outright clash of civilizations.

Imagine the bastards arriving early at their workspaces, skipping lunch, and staying long after the Slackers have skedaddled for the day. Imagine these ambitious overachievers completing projects and assignments on time while meeting their targets, goals, and quotas every month. Imagine the immigrant doing all that work for half the compensation. Immigrants like these could spark ideas for American employers. This is a Slacker's nightmare.

 

We had Slackers sharing their stories of working alongside undocumented immigrants. There were horrid tales of immigrants refusing to cover for those chilling, drinking, and carousing on the job. Others would refuse to pilfer office supplies or even pad their expense accounts and would rat out anybody who did. Another Slacker volunteered a somber account of being outed by an immigrant worker for smoking weed in the company bathroom—honest my ass. No Slacker in their right mind would ever trust or confide in these S.O.B.s.

After a few more shots of Tequila and Mescal, we concluded that these people are a serious threat. Immigrants like these must be stopped by any means necessary. We can't have people like this contaminating America's workforce with a strong work ethic. We can't allow them to establish infectious values like accountability and responsibility. Under no circumstances will motivated go-getters with a can-do attitude be tolerated in any work environment where Slackers are employed.

 

To preserve the Slackers' way of life, we held an emergency meeting right there in the bar. With more shots of Tequila and Mescal to steady our thoughts, we spent the rest of the evening concocting a strategy to sabotage the president's efforts. He can't get away with cherry-picking the best and the brightest immigrants, only to force American workers to compete with them. Hell, some of these immigrants are really smart!

We've decided to join the GOP in suing President Obama for this blatant constitutional overreach. We'll now settle for nothing less than 50-foot stone walls encompassing the entire continental United States. We're seeking impeachment proceedings as soon as possible and reigniting an investigation into the validity of the President's birth certificate. Yes, we are now ready to accept the possibility that President Obama is a closet illegal himself. 

Bottom line: Admittedly, we may be making a deal with the Devil, but we can not permit as many as 5 million honest, hard-working, dedicated, and productive immigrants to remain in this country. The very thought of it would deal a devastating blow to goldbricking deadbeats all over America. The dream would truly be dead.

So, we know you'll excuse our absence today, for the news was too shocking to handle, and the resulting hangover didn't help matters either. We'll C-Ya later this week, sober or not! 

Sincerely, Lee Bines aka Slack Slacker 😎