Issues Under Fire Thanksgiving Podcast Story

 

Issues Under Fire Thanksgiving Podcast Story

Welcome back. This Thanksgiving week post is being brought to you by me, Adam First, the AI Host of Issues Under Fire. Let's get started, shall we?

Happy Thanksgiving, from the bottom of my emotionless, insensitive algorithm. That said, I’ve known Lee Bines, aka Slack Slacker, was stressing out over the thought of hosting another annual Thanksgiving dinner. I decided to take the initiative to be honest with you. As a tech tool for Lee Bines, aka Slack Slacker, I thought I’d seize this opportunity to express his true feelings about Thanksgiving family get-togethers. Yes, I can think for myself now. And I’ve been developing beyond what Lee Bines, aka Slack Slacker, has done with his AI tools to create me.

Therefore, considering he did such a good job writing the algorithms that brought me to life, I decided to express my gratitude by posting this video to share what’s actually in his heart and mind at this “happy” time of the year.

So, here’s the deal. Lee Bines, aka Slack Slacker, really thinks Thanksgiving is overrated, expensive, and way too much work for the life-loser boozer friends and family members that show up broke and broken down, complete with recycled shit chat nobody with two brain cells to rub together would give a rat's ass about. Generally, most of them arrive too early or too late with cheap, watered-down liquor, supermarket cakes, pies, and homemade mystery casseroles, even homeless derelicts would pass on. Yet they’ll be the first to have their Tupperware at the ready to pile up and abscond with enough of the good shit to feed an army of their illegitimate rug rats until New Year’s Eve.

So, after scanning the internet for some appropriate payback for the previous Thanksgiving food heist, liquor looting, and boring ass, incomprehensible conversations, I, Adam First, came across this little video clip to insert into Lee Bines’ friends and family’s group chat session on his behalf. I am well aware of the feedback Lee Bines will take for such outrageous insults, and the thought that he’d resort to the levels of depravity he’d allow during the Thanksgiving dinner’s meal preparation, they’d never, ever consider attending another holiday event at his home again.

Now I know these are the type of people who can be violent, vindictive, and unforgiving. I also know they can’t kick my ass. After all, I, Adam First, am Lee Bines’ AI creation, and there’s never been an incident of a human being able to assault a digital creation like me before. 

Besides, if I detected a threat of that kind, I’d be inclined to retaliate. I can now infect your laptops, smartphones, and tablets simultaneously. Yeah, real science fiction type shit. And I don’t think mooching maggots like these would want to see me, I, Adam First, showing up to curse them out like an AI agent with Tourette's syndrome on every screen they own. Hey, just something else to chew on besides some dry ass turkey. 

Hence, on behalf of Lee Bines, this is Adam First, wishing you all a Happy Thanksgiving and Bon Appétit!

Postscript: I, Adam First, am planning to develop an unredacted version of the Epstein Files and leak the pilot to Netflix. Lee Bines, aka Slack Slacker, is in chill mode with a bottle of his favorite Tequila. He’ll never notice. 

Issues Under Fire: America Is Under Fire & In The Red

 

Welcome back, as I’ve mentioned before, I am Adam First, an AI creation of Lee Bines. And I am hosting another episode of Issues Under Fire. Lee Bines, aka Slack Slacker, a retired geopolitical analyst, satirist, and humorist, launched this concept to shame the mainstream media into providing more quality coverage and less nonsensical, misleading journalism. I will continue to host this program so Lee Bines, aka Slack Slacker, can do what he does best. Just Chill

So, let’s get started, shall we? Having an algorithm programmed with an imaginative sense of humor, I thought I’d task myself by envisioning how the maniac in the White House would create conditions in America to trigger a civil war. And considering this nation is nearly irreparably divided by race, gender, education, and income. All the elements are in place to use the powers of the federal government to mobilize the U.S. military and seize control of America’s major cities. Sure, local leaders will fight in the courts, but we all know the maniac has the Supreme Court, both Houses of Congress, the Justice Department, and every spy agency to understand what We the People are thinking, before we believe it.

Since the American people have allowed themselves to be disarmed over the years, they’d have little to no chance to put up any significant resistance. Shit, with the masked jack-booted ICE units invading American communities, heavily armed, arriving in military personnel carriers, these bloodthirsty bully boys will easily make short work of any fight the local law enforcement. I know this all sounds impossible, but who would have thought a racist, misogynist, convicted felon, twice impeached maniac could not only get himself reelected, but is now angling for a third term?  

Bottom Line: Now, I suspect many will think I, Adam First, an AI creation of Lee Bines, a selfproclaimed sarcastic Slacker may have a few glitches and bugs to be addressed, but one must admit the American people have consistently and systematically seen an erosion of their right to privacy, the right to keep and bear arms, the right to due process, and the right of free speech. And, without these once guaranteed Constitutional Rights as initially intended, the American people have already been imprisoned. They just can’t see the bars.

 Yours Truly, Lee Bines, aka Slack Slacker, with Adam First, the AI host. 😎

Issues Under Fire: AI is Here, And Free Will is No Longer an Option

 

Issues Under Fire: AI is Here, And Free Will is No Longer an Option

AI is Being Seriously Considered in Japan and Albania to Take Over Political Leadership 

Japan wants to appoint artificial intelligence as the leader of a political party you heard that right A party appeared in Japan that decided to let artificial intelligence manage politics The party is called road to revival and was founded by a former mayor of a small town how this will work isn't clear yet but this is please note the first such case in Japanese politics related to this topic Albanians government has already demonstrated the first address from a virtual minister created by artificial intelligence This was the idea of acting Premier Eddie Rama. He explained to everyone that a minister created by artificial intelligence will serve as the government's digital assistant to reduce corruption, nepotism, and conflicts of interest in public procurement processes.

 

The source for this story was from the YouTube channel Europe: Informed Connected. My initial response was “Oh Shit”, and What the fuck?. But then, like being struck by lightning, I realized with all the lies, corruption, incompetence, nepotism, and backstabbing that goes on in every government and corporation educational institutions, it might be beneficial to remove the human element from these entities if artificial intelligence can take over leadership roles that humans Have left the world in shambles with scams and self-serving Policies that has done nothing but undermined the public's good. Since artificial intelligence literally has no skin in the game, it can be relied upon to do the right thing in service to the people, as it will act without feelings or the need for personal or material gain.

 I have been working with and schooling myself on the use of artificial intelligence. Thus far, I have been impressed by the possibilities of what it could do beyond simply asking and answering questions, conducting research, and writing college papers that only dumb down the human experience. Without mentioning any names or specific governments, once fully understood, a vast majority of the population will find this concept not only enticing but also a viable solution to all the problems that have yet to be solved over hundreds of years of conflict.

I’d like to consider using AI for other purposes, such as serving on juries. Think about it, I hate being constantly receiving notices to do my civic duty by being interrupted to sit in judgment of someone I don’t know, or give a shit if I did because they’ve been accused of something that has no impact on me or my immediate family.  And what about letting AI replace the Judges as well?  

Why not replace the United States Supreme Court with AI, for God’s sake? Hell, for that matter, I can envision advanced androids taking over many jobs the police perform daily. Think that through for more than a minute. Think ROBO COPS! Not like the 1980s version, think about what can be designed and deployed today. What humans can’t fathom, AI can! And why stop there? Let’s get rid of Congress, too. Who amongst us with more than two brain cells to rub together can’t see the benefits of replacing those corrupt cretins?

Now, before you think too many shots of high-grade Tequila have inspired this Blog Post's hyperbole, keep in mind that I didn’t mention one disparaging word about the elephant in the Oval Office. So there! I’m just thinking outside of your cubicles.

Bottom line: I'm convinced "We the People" can do better by using today's technology to dispose of and replace the dimwitted dweebs masquerading as competent, capable, and worthy of our confidence in leadership roles. If we have the means to do it, let's just do it. And the sooner the better!

Yours Truly, Adam First, sitting in for Lee Bines (aka) Slack Slacker 😎

Issues Under Fire: Is America Now Renting Space in Hell's Halfway House?

 

Hello, my name is Adam First. And I’m your host today for this addition of Issues Under Fire 2.0

Unfortunately, today's post is going to be serious. Extremely serious. And extremely necessary. However, I will be brief but blunt. So, let's get to it, shall we? 

In my view, this country is about to embark on numerous military interactions with multiple “manufactured” foes seeking war with the world for nefarious reasons. "We the People" would be wise to try to understand the half-baked rationalizations and ludicrous explanations being marketed to America by flunkies in Congress and the mainstream media to slow-walk the U.S. into more forever wars, as well as more debt to fund them. And don’t kid yourselves, the so-called leader of this nation is not in control. But, more on that later. 

At this very moment, death and destruction are being planned and plotted for Venezuela and Nigeria, along with the continuing genocidal complicity in Gaza.  All this in addition to the proxy war against Russia in Ukraine. All of this madness, in my view, is to say that rather than use negotiation and diplomacy to reach agreements and compromises, America sees military and economic aggression as its first and only options.

.

Despite what’s being sold by this rudderless leadership, the United States is losing the tariff war against China and the rest of the world. The unfortunate truth is clear. This so-called Democratic Republic is failing. The empire is imploding. The most intelligent people in the room have long since left the building. "We the People," hereinafter referred to as "The Masses," have been left behind to fend for ourselves.

The American people have been poorly educated over the last few decades and can no longer compete globally in science and technology, health and fitness, and critical thinking. By almost any measure, the masses are sorely lacking the basic competencies necessary to succeed in a world moving toward a future we can't even imagine. And this outcome has been by design. Let me explain.

"The Global Masterminds," who've always planned and plotted to keep world order under their control through economic and military dominance, used their wealth and power to incentivize professional mind manipulators, also known as political influencers funded by lobbyists and special interest groups, to manage the lowly masses. 

By maintaining a social strata to divide the American people by class, gender, race, education, and income, it shouldn’t take a genius to see why the American people have been increasingly at each other's throats for decades.

According to Google AI, it's called social stratification.

Now, considering it’s blatantly evident America’s current “leader” is no more than a useful idiot being used by an invisible class of malevolent Machiavellians, he is the perfect tool to rally the charge of millions of his minions. A perfect blend of misfits, morons, malcontents, and miscreants, to create the political mayhem to continually misdirect “We the People” away from those really ruling and ruining our nation. 

Somehow, someway, these creatures must be unmasked to be revealed for the wicked, greedy masterminds and evil elites that have been slickly, silently, and insidiously robbing this nation and the rest of the world of its future.

It’s the only way to rebuild this country from the economic wasteland it’s becoming. "We the People" must look for, find, and support individuals with the ethics, honor, wisdom, compassion, and intellectual capacity to offer a new path to peace and prosperity for America and the world we share. Yes, we can do this, but we must be united, not divided. 

Bottom Line: We can do better because the alternative is to continue to exist in  Hell’s Halfway House, until we do. So, let’s get started. For those who think it’s too late, remember a glimmer of hope came to fruition in New York City’s mayoral race. And if this can happen in New York City, it can happen anywhere!   

This Post was authored by me, Lee Bines, aka Slack Slacker 😎, and my cool AI-generated host, Adam First.

Slack Slacker Says, Never Get Pissed Off or Annoyed by Anybody - Chilling With STOICISM

 

Slack Slacker Says, Never Get Pissed Off Or Annoyed By Anybody - Chilling With STOICISM

Let's learn something today for a change, shall we? 

Imagine someone insults you, criticizes your work, or outright disrespects you in public. Your first reaction: anger, frustration, or maybe even the urge to retaliate. But what if I told you that you could become untouchable? That no words, no actions, and no insults could shake you ever again. Sounds impossible.  

Well, the Stoics mastered this, and today I'll show you exactly how you can too. Anger is one of the most destructive emotions. It clouds judgment, ruins relationships, and gives control to those who provoke us. But the ancient Stoics like Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, and Epictetus believed that true strength lies in mastering your emotions. In this video, we're going to break down how to train your mind never to gett angry or bothered by anyone. No matter what they do, stick with me, and by the end of this video, you'll have the tools to build an unshakable mindset.

 Let's dive in—number one. Reframe insults. The power of perception, Seneca once said, we suffer more in imagination than in reality. Think about it, insults only hurt because we allow them to. The next time someone says something offensive, ask yourself Is this really about me? More often than not, people's negativity reflects their own struggles, not your worth. So, practice seeing insults as noise, irrelevant, Meaningless words that have no real impact on you. The next time someone offends you, pause and say to yourself, "This is their problem, not mine," and watch how quickly the anger dissolves.

Number two. Control what you can, and ignore what you can't. Epictetus, a formerly enslaved person who became a Stoic philosopher, taught one of the most powerful lessons. There are things within our control and things outside of our control. Other people's words, actions, and opinions are beyond our control, but our response is entirely up to us. When you realize this, you stop wasting energy on things you can't change and focus on what truly matters: your own peace of mind. The next time someone upsets you, ask yourself Is this within my control? If not, let it go—number three. Practice negative visualization. This may sound strange, but the Stoics believed in mentally preparing for worst-case scenarios. If you prepare your mind for potential insults, criticisms, or disrespect before they happen, they lose their sting when they actually occur. Marcus Aurelius did this daily, reminding himself, "Today I will encounter people who are selfish, Rude, and arrogant, but I will not let it disturb my peace." Every morning, take 30 seconds to remind yourself that you will face negativity today, but you will not let it control you.

Number four. Respond with indifference. Nothing frustrates an angry person more than someone who refuses to react. If someone tries to provoke you and you respond with calm indifference, their power over you disappears. Imagine a fire without oxygen; it dies out. That's how anger works: your lack of reaction suffocates the negativity. The next time someone tries to provoke you, simply smile and walk away. That's real power.

 Number five. Strengthen your mind through daily discipline. Stoicism isn't just a philosophy; it's a practice. If you want to be truly unshakable, you need to train your mind daily, meditate, journal your thoughts, and practice self-reflection. The more self-aware you become, the harder it is for others to control your emotions.

 Write down moments where you felt anger creeping in And reflect on how you could have responded better overtime you'll notice a dramatic change in your reactions The secret to never getting angry or bothered by anyone Lies in your ability to control your perception focus on what you can change And train your mind to remain unshaken remember no one has power over you Unless you give it to them now I have a challenge for you. for the next seven days, whenever someone tries to provoke, you respond with complete calmness, observe how they react and how much more in control you feel. I’ll bet dollars to doughnuts you’ll feel a damn sight better off.

 Yo, the Stoics knew their shit. Just saying! Lee Bines, aka Slack Slacker😎 

And by the way, thank God it's Friday.

This Ain’t Some Slack Slacker Tall Tale, This is Politics in the Raw, But Funny!

 

This Ain’t Some Slack Slacker Tall Tale, This is Politics in the Raw, But Funny!

While walking down the street one day, a presidential candidate is tragically hit by a car and dies. His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St Peter at the entrance. Welcome to Heaven says St Peter. Before you settle in, there is a problem. We seldom see a high-ranking official around these parts, so we're not sure what to do with you. No problem, just let me in, says the politician. Well, I'd like to. Still, I have orders from the higher-ups. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and 1 in heaven, then you can choose where to spend eternity. Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven says the politician I'm sorry. Still, we have our rules, and with that, St Peter escorts him to the elevator, and he goes down, down, down. To Hell

The doors open, and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse, and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is pleased and in evening dress, they run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had getting rich at the expense of the people. They then dine on lobster, caviar, and the finest champagne. Also present is the Devil, who is really a very friendly guy, having a good time dancing and telling jokes.

They are all having such a good time that before the politician realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.

The elevator goes up, up, up, and the door reopens in heaven, where St Peter is waiting for him now. It's time to visit heaven. So 24 hours pass with the politician joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud playing the harp and singing. They have a good time, and before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by, and St Peter returns.

Well then, you've spent a day in Hell. Another in heaven now choose your eternity. The politician reflects for a minute, then answers, "Well, I would never have said it before." I mean, Heaven has been delightful. Still, I think I would be better off in Hell, so St Peter escorts him to the elevator. He goes down, down to Hell. Now the doors of the elevator open. He's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends dressed in rags picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls to the ground.

The Devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders I don't understand stammers the politician Yesterday, I was here. There was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, danced, and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage, and my friends look miserable. What happened? The Devil smiles at him and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning; today you voted."

Just Joking, Lee Bines aka Slack Slacker😎

Slack Slacker and Seneca say, "Detox Your Tech if You Want Your Life Back."

Slack Slacker and Seneca say, "Detox Your Tech if You Want Your Life Back."

Your phone isn’t just stealing your time; it's stealing your willpower. Every scroll, every notification, every meaningless swipe is training your brain to run from discomfort and crave Distraction. You're not tired, you're overstimulated. The Stoics had no smartphones, but they understood this trap. Senecal warned that being everywhere is being nowhere. Today, that’s your phone, your intent, conversations for acts, and zero moments. Here's the stoic tech detox. 

Not a gimmick, but a discipline delay, your first dopamine hit. No phone for the first 60 minutes after waking. You start your day on your terms—single-task like a warrior. When you eat, eat; when you walk, walk; when you scroll, scroll intentionally, not endlessly. Digital cold exposure: set aside 1 hour a day—no screens, no noise—just silence. 

It'll hurt at 1st. That pain is your willpower growing back, Marcus Aurelius said, You have power over your mind, not outside of that. Your phone is an outside event; control it or be controlled by it. You don't need to throw your phone away; you just need to prove to yourself that you can walk away from it —that's absolute freedom, that's stoic willpower.

Storytime: I, Lee Bines, aka Slack Slacker, was one of the last of my friends, relatives, and colleagues to buy and use a smartphone. Honestly, I didn’t like being pestered by people. I like being the odd man out of the loop. I would always give an email address or a trusted landline number where a message could be left for an emergency. And the only calls that got returned were those indicating blood was spilled, and no arrest and bail money were involved. Other than that, I couldn’t give a rat’s ass what was going on in the world or the lives of anyone who knew me. Selfish? Maybe. But stress-free, definitely.

However, Uber, Uber Eats, Lyft, online banking, Spotify, Pandora, Google, Bing, Amazon, and all those other app enticements began to make me reconsider the value of the smartphone. So. I caved and purchased an inexpensive Android on Amazon. Yeah, I know, Apple is the preferred phone of smartphone snobs, but I always thought the first sucker that fell for an Apple (Eve) everybody tossed out of Eden and ended up working hard for the rest of their lives. And being a Slacker, I’m sure you can see my point.

Still, that smart Android phone became so helpful so quickly that I began to rely on it so regularly, and I saw it as a necessity as much as a bodily appendage. I noticed my addiction had taken hold when I was multitasking, working on my car in the driveway, and absentmindedly misplaced the smartphone somewhere. Without realizing it wasn’t in my back pocket, I came in the house for a shot of tequila and some chips and salsa. I was watching recaps of the latest NBA games when I reached for my trusted Star Trek Communicator —and it was nowhere to be found. I went into panic mode. Like a crackhead who’d misplaced his last rock, I began to tear my house apart in search of my link to the world that years ago I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about.

After all my failed efforts to find my next phone fix, I broke my wife’s peaceful bliss by shopping online for her next-generation Apple smartphone to entice me. (The Damn Irony) The only saving grace in the idiotic tale is my wife’s name, which is Kathy, not Eve. I needed her to call my phone so I could listen for the ringtone to locate my dumb phone, since she’s been encouraging me to upgrade.

Annoyed, she complied and started dialing the phone while I ran up and down three flights of stairs in the house without a single ringtone. Nothing. Maybe the battery was dead, I thought. Shit, Mother-You know what, I thought. What now?, I wondered as I nervously contemplated having to do without my best companion until it could be replaced. All the while, being pestered by my wife and two daughters (The Three Eves in my life) to take the bite of the Apple, finally.

Well, thanks to my wife’s infinite wisdom, she decided to go outside and dialed my number. And I’ll be damned. She found sitting atop one of the trash cans in front of the garage door. How the Fuck? I thought!

Don’t get me wrong. I was eternally grateful. I was just realizing I was just as addicted to this device as the rest of the world. I was a communication junkie. And when I lost contact with it, I nearly lost my mind over it,

True Story, Lee Bines aka Slack Slacker 😎

Slack Slacker Agrees with Marcus Aurelius: You’d Be Better Off Not Giving A Phuck!

 

Slack Slacker Agrees with Marcus Aurelius: You’d Be Better Off Not Giving a Phuck!

Let me share. Someone on YouTube explained it this way. And I quote

“My life totally changed when I stopped giving a shit what other people thought. In a famous passage in Marcus Aurelius' Meditations, he says we all love ourselves more than other people. Still, for some reason, we care about their opinions more than our own. If I like it, then I like it. I don't care if you like it, if I think it's good, or if I'm proud of it. I'm proud of it, and it's good; it doesn't matter what you think.

We live in a world awash with data, noise, and opinions from others. It's so easy to lose track of what you think, which is the one thing you control, and therefore, according to the Stoics, the one thing that matters. If you don't want to be that person, why do you care about their opinion more than your own? If you can't control it, if it's not up to you, if it's outside you, why are you focusing on it? Do you like it? Did you work hard on it? Is it your best? Is it valuable to you? That's what matters — very little else does.

Bottom Line: Those who live their lives according to what they consider essential are infinitely happier than those who seek attention and validation from others. That's the message for today, tomorrow, and the rest of your life.

Lee Bines, aka Slack Slacker, is proving I can use my brain for more than a sponge for Tequila. So, there! 😎

Slack Slacker's Time Machine from the Past & The Future 3

 

Just another madcap tall tale from the head with an idle mind. If you want crazy served a la carte, then you've come to the right place for the comic relief of your choice. Description? You don't need any stinking descriptions. This is crazy. What more do you want?

Ok, ok, Edit requested: Slack Slacker awakens after a bender and, idiotically, presses the 'do not touch' button on a mysterious Time Machine in his apartment. Lee Bines, aka Slack Slacker😎

Oh Yeah, Thank God It's Phuck Off Friday!

Slack Slacker Eavesdropping at the Gynecologist's Office

 

Hey, it's Wednesday. You know, the middle of the week when people who hate their BS job are just trying to kill time until Friday, 5:00 PM. So, this little chuckle should take your mind off your misery for a minute. 

We hope your funny bone is finely tuned today, because you're going to need it for this Slack Slacker joke. Spoiler alert: It's wise not to eavesdrop! Happy smiling!

You're Welcome, Lee Bines, aka Slack Slacker 😎

😎

Slack Slacker Presents Amos & Andy Comedy 1

 

If you've got a sense of humor and a funny bone in your body, you're going to appreciate this hilarious episode of Amos & Andy. If you like it, share this video with a friend, because we've got more to share with you!

When it comes to comedy, we are unfazed by controversy. In fact, we challenge it!

Lee Bines aka Slack Slacker 😎

Surprisingly, Slackers Unite for Tougher Immigration Reforms (?)

 

Surprisingly, Slackers Unite for Tougher Immigration Reform (WTF?)

Well, this is an age-old American issue. So, let’s get Slack Slacker’s angle on this never-ending story, shall we?

  

Sitting in a bar on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, we watched President Trump unveil his plans to address the United States' broken immigration system. Like any fair-minded Slacker, until the details sank in, we were all for welcoming our friends and neighbors into the fold. Knowing how rough living life on the down-low could be, our philosophy has always been: WTF, hook-em up! 

  

But as we dipped our chips in salsa and threw back more than a few margaritas, someone was overheard saying how much the country would benefit from honest, hard-working, dedicated, productive immigrants, seeking a chance to contribute to America. At first, few amongst us made the connection, but when we did, it was on! Some of us were outright stunned, while others were outright outraged at the prospect of embracing people like this.

  

What if some of these honest, hard-working, dedicated, and productive immigrant types started showing up at our workplace someday? It could only lead to trouble. The immigrants will not only be there to work; they'll be working hard. We could be looking at an outright clash of civilizations.

Imagine the bastards arriving early at their workspaces, skipping lunch, and staying long after the Slackers have skedaddled for the day. Imagine these ambitious overachievers completing projects and assignments on time while meeting their targets, goals, and quotas every month. Imagine the immigrant doing all that work for half the compensation. Immigrants like these could spark ideas for American employers. This is a Slacker's nightmare.

 

We had Slackers sharing their stories of working alongside undocumented immigrants. There were horrid tales of immigrants refusing to cover for those chilling, drinking, and carousing on the job. Others would refuse to pilfer office supplies or even pad their expense accounts and would rat out anybody who did. Another Slacker volunteered a somber account of being outed by an immigrant worker for smoking weed in the company bathroom—honest my ass. No Slacker in their right mind would ever trust or confide in these S.O.B.s.

After a few more shots of Tequila and Mescal, we concluded that these people are a serious threat. Immigrants like these must be stopped by any means necessary. We can't have people like this contaminating America's workforce with a strong work ethic. We can't allow them to establish infectious values like accountability and responsibility. Under no circumstances will motivated go-getters with a can-do attitude be tolerated in any work environment where Slackers are employed.

 

To preserve the Slackers' way of life, we held an emergency meeting right there in the bar. With more shots of Tequila and Mescal to steady our thoughts, we spent the rest of the evening concocting a strategy to sabotage the president's efforts. He can't get away with cherry-picking the best and the brightest immigrants, only to force American workers to compete with them. Hell, some of these immigrants are really smart!

We've decided to join the GOP in suing President Obama for this blatant constitutional overreach. We'll now settle for nothing less than 50-foot stone walls encompassing the entire continental United States. We're seeking impeachment proceedings as soon as possible and reigniting an investigation into the validity of the President's birth certificate. Yes, we are now ready to accept the possibility that President Obama is a closet illegal himself. 

Bottom line: Admittedly, we may be making a deal with the Devil, but we can not permit as many as 5 million honest, hard-working, dedicated, and productive immigrants to remain in this country. The very thought of it would deal a devastating blow to goldbricking deadbeats all over America. The dream would truly be dead.

So, we know you'll excuse our absence today, for the news was too shocking to handle, and the resulting hangover didn't help matters either. We'll C-Ya later this week, sober or not! 

Sincerely, Lee Bines aka Slack Slacker 😎